


No Children

by astrakhan



Series: Vir Sulahn'nehn [5]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Aww, Canon Gay Relationship, Dragon Age Lore, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, Light BDSM, M/M, Post-Canon, Reminiscing, Romance, Sad and Sweet, Tragic Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-14 17:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3418688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrakhan/pseuds/astrakhan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An /r/solasmancers Secret Santa fic for jennyfever/gethbecomesher, based on this prompt:</p><p>"Any pairing, the circumstances leading up to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRP6egIEABk">The Mountain Goats' "No Children"</a>"</p><p>The moustache line took me straight to Dorian. Here you go, ma vhenan <3</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Children

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gethbecomesher](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gethbecomesher/gifts).



> This fic is set after the events of Sulahn'nehn's Judgement. You don't necessarily have to read that first. Quick recap:
> 
> Dorian's been spending time emancipating slaves and smuggling them to freedom in Sulahn'nehn's new empire.
> 
> The ancient elven gods wake up. They're angry and vengeful, and Sulahn'nehn sends them to Tevinter to avoid them attacking her own lands.
> 
> The gods raze Tevinter. They take people as slaves. Dorian's whole family dies.

It was so painful, losing them all. Watching my beloved city burn. But it brought me back to him.

He held me in his massive arms as I cried, my focus dissolving away into the ripples of his muscles. He moved in with me the night I arrived in Atish’an, grief-stricken and lost. Sulahn’nehn tried to comfort me, the sweet thing, but she could not console me the way he did, the way he murmured _kadan_ in the mornings when I awoke in those strong, soothing arms, a loving barricade against the world.

It was a chilly morning when I got the Empress’s letter. I had been attending to the wounds of the Tevinter slaves I was smuggling back to Atish’an. It had become my life’s work, a vocation, something I truly believed in. I would not have made this choice were it not for Solas. He goaded me into a losing argument, such a rare feat; I admitted my guilt over the crime of slavery, and he urged me to free the slaves of Tevinter. It was not a proposition I had even considered until the Empress suggested that her borders were open to the needy.

The courier handed me the missive, and I read it in secret. It spoke of an invasion by a powerful army of ancient mages, but would not name who. It was easy enough to guess; I had my suspicions about Solas and his unusual elven magic all along.

I took the letter to the Magisterium, and of course they turned me away. They laughed at the thought of any force of mages besting their might. I took it to my father, and he did the same.

The gods themselves attacked Minrathous, after I managed to send thousands of the weakest and poorest to Atish’an hidden in trading carts. They stalked the beautiful streets in fury, destroying entire buildings with a flick of the wrist. Those who came against them in might were simply turned against their allies. It was torture.

I ran to my house, and my father would not leave. My mother and sister cowered in the bedroom, and they refused to flout him. He would not see reason. I argued for what seemed like an hour until the blasts came close. I ran. As I turned to look behind me in guilt, one of the proud, bald gods cackled as she waved her hand and turned my beloved childhood home and family inside it to a pile of ash.

I ran, and ran. It seemed like I never stopped running even on my horse as I fled for Atish’an to break the news. 

He was the only one who could soothe my pain. He filled my grief with glorious touch, every searing caress melting away my sorrows a little more. My hands bound behind me felt like a cradle of comfort, a place I knew I was safe. He filled me so wholly, my hulking love, a magnificent man whose equal I had never before experienced. And he was _mine._ After we declared the depth of our feelings, upon my return, he would take no other. Not even the mischievous red headed empress he often enjoyed.

He gave me a dragon tooth, a few weeks later. A chipped half of a great incisor belonging to the high dragon Vinsomer. We had vanquished her together, at the Inquisitor’s side, and he had kept it ever since. It was mounted on leather, and I wore it by my heart. As I always will, no matter what. Even after... today.

We declared our partnership publicly. Something I always longed for, jealously. We held hands in the streets and were greeted with _smiles._ It was pure joy. We lived in a glorious new world.

I wanted nothing more than for it to never end. Of course, that was impossible. We were not, are not _elves._ The elves had seen their immortality restored through Sulahn’nehn and Fen’Harel’s quests, but nothing remained for the rest of us save the blissful peace of New Elvhenan itself.

I never expected such a place to ever exist. Even as a boy, smiling shyly at the other boys in school, I knew I was different. I was jealous of them all; the boys who proudly brandished their new lovers around like trophies, the girls who smiled and giggled as they basked in the privilege of loving the men I secretly adored.

I was punished when my father found out. He tried to change me, rather than accept who I was. I never thought to find a place where I could be who I was, openly, publicly, without scorn. I never thought to find a family closer than the one I left behind. I found them both in Skyhold.

Sulahn’nehn always accepted me for who I was. To her credit, she could tell as soon as we met, though she flirted with me in a most entertaining manner. She brought me to confront my father without tricking or betraying me. It was almost enough for us to make amends, until his pride caused my own family’s downfall. She spread that freedom to her own empire, and gave me a place I could truly call my home, as much as I missed my childhood homeland.

And Bull… sweet Bull. The thought of judging me never crossed his mind, bless his free spirit. I knew enough of his exploits among the serving girls _and_ boys that I knew my flirtations would be reciprocated. I never expected how soon, or how passionately, he would come to my chambers.

He loved the taverns, so I went there with him, as loud as they are. I never liked taverns. I did come to enjoy the bard; she was willing to perform Sulahn’nehn’s excellent compositions. 

Once, I came to Sulahn’nehn in secret, to give my love a gift. I presented her with a poem I wrote, bidding her to set it to music. And oh, she did; the song was so sad, so plaintive, so loving, so _us_.

She taught it to the bard, as I asked, and one night I brought Bull back to the tavern where Maryden played. She nodded at me as we entered, and we sat close by, as I paid attention to bid him to follow suit.

His eyes filled with tears as she sang.

__  
I hope that our few remaining friends  
Give up on trying to save us  
I hope we come out with a fail-safe plot  
To piss off the dumb few that forgave us  
   
I hope the fences we mended  
Fall down beneath their own weight  
And I hope we hang on past the last exit  
I hope it's already too late  
   
And I hope the junkyard a few blocks from here  
Someday burns down  
And I hope the rising black smoke carries me far away  
And I never come back to this town again in my life  
   
I hope I lie  
And tell everyone you were a good wife  
And I hope you die  
I hope we both die  
   
I hope I cut myself shaving tomorrow  
I hope it bleeds all day long  
Our friends say it's darkest before the sun rises  
We're pretty sure they're all wrong  
   
I hope it stays dark forever  
I hope the worst isn't over  
And I hope you blink before I do  
And I hope I never get sober  
   
And I hope when you think of me years down the line  
You can't find one good thing to say  
And I'd hope that if I found the strength to walk out  
You'd stay the hell out of my way  
   
I am drowning  
There is no sign of land  
You are coming down with me  
Hand in unlovable hand  
   
And I hope you die  
I hope we both die  


“This reminds me of us,” he whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks in the firelight.  
“I wrote it, for you, my love,” I whispered back, as I kissed him.


End file.
